Super Awesome Mystery Prize!!

So, I was searching through random message boards and I ended up at http://www.blogexperiment.org.  I saw a button that said “Post Something”…so I did.  Now I apparently am a regular contributor to that site.  You should all check it out.  Maybe you guys can add more stuff to your plates too!

I think the point of the site is that you can share your irregular blog posts on a site where you don’t have to feel like you’re the only contributor….and so somebody will read your posts.

I think I’ll go there now and let their readers know that my bowel movements are a bit irregular today.

-Mike

So, we were out of the country for a few weeks.  It was insane.  We visited cool places, dirty places, scary places, fun places, and super awesome places.  I swam in hot water, cold water, salty water, clear water, and foggy water.  I ate a lot of different kinds of food, but one thing was always constant….Ketchup.  When I was a kid, the ketchup in different places were pretty different.  Some were runnier, some were spicier…basically different places had different brands, and different brands were different.  Now, almost every restaurant, no matter where, serves Heinz ketchup, or a brand that tastes almost identical.  I wasn’t happy.  Variety is the spice of life, and if I’m gonna be in some random backwards country, I want random backwards ketchup.  C’mon…seriously…if I wanted everything to be the same as at home, I would have stayed home.  I could have saved thousands of dollars in flights, hours and hours of time in cramped airplanes, sat my but on the couch and watched the food network while eating delivered pizza.

Anyway, we were out.  Things were delayed a little bit, but we should be back on track by tomorrow.  If you have a problem, or just want to yell at us for taking too long to deliver your stuff, e-mail us and we’ll make it up to ya.

-Mike

Seriously. I am going insane. I should stop now before I go on a rant.

-Mike

Today I received some of the best constructive criticism EVER!  Here’s the background:

So, as you know, I live in Southern California…and like a crapload of So-Cal people, I have a pretty long commute.  Since I’ve been doing this for years, I am completely sick of all my music so I use the radio to make the time go by faster.  90% of the time I listen to Adam Corrolla’s radio show.  It’s the only one that doesn’t repeat the same shit over and over again.  No celebrity birthdays, no weather, no traffic, just interviews, news, etc…

Anyway, I decided it would be funny to ask other Adam Corolla fans to check out this site.  So I posted a message on his message board with the simple question, “What would Adam say about this?”  Here’s the response I got:

MikeDamone said: “he would say you are a ‘tard.”

TaboriHK said: “ He’d scream, ‘YOU SUCK! DIE!’ ”

good name for t’s v said: “He’d say that the color pallette you chose is turning him gay.”

LeykisMan! said: “I honestly think I’ve heard of a very similar service out there already. Sounds like potential for some serious legal issues.”

JGdmn said: “Damn. I thought this might be interesting, funny, compelling, or silly. Instead it’s just stupid shit. Well done, if your intention is disappointment.”

Who would have thought that I would get a negative response on a message board on the internet!

hahahaah

-Mike

Whats up interweb super-friends?!

We just got back from one of the most radical road trips EVER. Most road trips revolve around a place, a person, or an event…but this one, revolved around STUFF. Really rad stuff. Stuff you can and can’t find in stores, gutters, gymnasiums, wherehouses and elementary schools. What stuff? Well, like our super cool new ad says, “If we told you, it wouldn’t be a f***ing mystery!”

So place your orders folks, and expect nothing less than mediocre.

Seriously…did you honestly expect something good?

Shipping costs a lot.

New ad is below…whatta you think????

-Mike

If you haven’t already, go check out my previous entry about the tooth that I sent someone. I thought it was the best idea ever. Maybe not. We went to the post office today and found that we had an envelope for us. What!? We don’t GET things sent to us! We do the sending! We ARE the senders! Well, we were pretty perplexed. However, we still had enough of our wits about us to realize that we couldn’t just open the envelope right away. We held onto it and decided to open it later. Why? Because not doing it right away makes it better in the end! Duh! We were about halfway back to the office when Dingo (our legal guy) tried to snatch the envelope out of my hands. I wrassled it back from him and put it in my coat. You just can’t trust some people. Anyway, it wasn’t until later that night after we had polished off the better part of four pepperoni pizzas that we decided it was finally time to open it. I got out official superawesomemysteryprize letter opener (which we seldom have occasion to use, as we deal mostly with letter closing) and cut/tore open the large manila envelope. At first I couldn’t see much inside, but I seen realized with horror what was in there. MY TOOTH!!! IT CAME BACK!!!!!

-Crack

Holy crap.

Have you seen this picture floating around? It’s incredible. I don’t even know what to say.

-Mike

So I went to this huge concert this weekend and it was wicked intense. There were a million bands playing and this band called Chiodos was playing when I finally decided to get in the pit. It was nuts and I was probably in way over my head. There was this guy swinging around and running into everybody and I had been watching him so I could steer clear of the insanity. I think I took my eyes off him for three seconds and I got clocked in the mouth by….his fucking foot. I don’t know what he was trying to do but it fucking hurt. I didn’t see him afterward, perhaps because he took off or because I was on the ground, but I did find my tooth. So, when I got home I did what any reasonable person would do. I mailed it out as a prize! If YOU got it in the mail you could make some mad bank from the toothfairy, provide you got rich parents. hahaha.

-Crack

There was this one time when I was on the Bad Religion street team and they sent me a package in the mail. It could have possibly been the coolest thing that had ever happened to me up until that point in my life. No joke. It was amazing. I got about a thousand assorted stickers, some posters, and a rad sweatshirt that I still wear all the time even though it’s falling apart. I was beyond stoked. I went to every local punk rock show and passed out…free stickers.

Now fast forward to the other day. I got a message from Mike Birbiglia. Now you’re probably thinking…”who the hell is Mike Birbigblih blah blow whatever you just said”?? Mike Birbiglia is RAD. He’s a comedian. He’s starting to get popular, and now he’s got a STREET TEAM. Hell yeah! I signed up.

Well, he’s on another tour, and they sent me a package. This time I didn’t get no sweatshirt, no posters, or much at all…BUT, I did get a stack of flyers and a few comedy central stickers. That’s cool. I guess Mike doesn’t like me as much as Bad Religion does. But that’s totally cool…cuz I don’t like him as much as I like Bad Religion.

Ok, well…seriously…Mike is a funny dude. You should go see him live. I’m gonna throw his flyers into the Mystery Prizes that are going out to all the towns he’s touring to. If you can, go see him. If you can’t, spend the next month on youtube.

Mike sells funny shirts at: http://www.bluecollardistro.com/birbigshirts
Mike’s website: http://www.birbigs.com

I checked my e-mail this morning and only found 2 orders.  One lucky fool is now the proud owner of a Captain Planet video, and the other an old school transformers action figure still in its packaging.  Sell them on ebay and come blow your money on more mystery prizes.

-Mike