Super Awesome Mystery Prize!!

Whats up interweb super-friends?!

We just got back from one of the most radical road trips EVER. Most road trips revolve around a place, a person, or an event…but this one, revolved around STUFF. Really rad stuff. Stuff you can and can’t find in stores, gutters, gymnasiums, wherehouses and elementary schools. What stuff? Well, like our super cool new ad says, “If we told you, it wouldn’t be a f***ing mystery!”

So place your orders folks, and expect nothing less than mediocre.

Seriously…did you honestly expect something good?

Shipping costs a lot.

New ad is below…whatta you think????

-Mike

If you haven’t already, go check out my previous entry about the tooth that I sent someone. I thought it was the best idea ever. Maybe not. We went to the post office today and found that we had an envelope for us. What!? We don’t GET things sent to us! We do the sending! We ARE the senders! Well, we were pretty perplexed. However, we still had enough of our wits about us to realize that we couldn’t just open the envelope right away. We held onto it and decided to open it later. Why? Because not doing it right away makes it better in the end! Duh! We were about halfway back to the office when Dingo (our legal guy) tried to snatch the envelope out of my hands. I wrassled it back from him and put it in my coat. You just can’t trust some people. Anyway, it wasn’t until later that night after we had polished off the better part of four pepperoni pizzas that we decided it was finally time to open it. I got out official superawesomemysteryprize letter opener (which we seldom have occasion to use, as we deal mostly with letter closing) and cut/tore open the large manila envelope. At first I couldn’t see much inside, but I seen realized with horror what was in there. MY TOOTH!!! IT CAME BACK!!!!!

-Crack

Holy crap.

Have you seen this picture floating around? It’s incredible. I don’t even know what to say.

-Mike

So I went to this huge concert this weekend and it was wicked intense. There were a million bands playing and this band called Chiodos was playing when I finally decided to get in the pit. It was nuts and I was probably in way over my head. There was this guy swinging around and running into everybody and I had been watching him so I could steer clear of the insanity. I think I took my eyes off him for three seconds and I got clocked in the mouth by….his fucking foot. I don’t know what he was trying to do but it fucking hurt. I didn’t see him afterward, perhaps because he took off or because I was on the ground, but I did find my tooth. So, when I got home I did what any reasonable person would do. I mailed it out as a prize! If YOU got it in the mail you could make some mad bank from the toothfairy, provide you got rich parents. hahaha.

-Crack

There was this one time when I was on the Bad Religion street team and they sent me a package in the mail. It could have possibly been the coolest thing that had ever happened to me up until that point in my life. No joke. It was amazing. I got about a thousand assorted stickers, some posters, and a rad sweatshirt that I still wear all the time even though it’s falling apart. I was beyond stoked. I went to every local punk rock show and passed out…free stickers.

Now fast forward to the other day. I got a message from Mike Birbiglia. Now you’re probably thinking…”who the hell is Mike Birbigblih blah blow whatever you just said”?? Mike Birbiglia is RAD. He’s a comedian. He’s starting to get popular, and now he’s got a STREET TEAM. Hell yeah! I signed up.

Well, he’s on another tour, and they sent me a package. This time I didn’t get no sweatshirt, no posters, or much at all…BUT, I did get a stack of flyers and a few comedy central stickers. That’s cool. I guess Mike doesn’t like me as much as Bad Religion does. But that’s totally cool…cuz I don’t like him as much as I like Bad Religion.

Ok, well…seriously…Mike is a funny dude. You should go see him live. I’m gonna throw his flyers into the Mystery Prizes that are going out to all the towns he’s touring to. If you can, go see him. If you can’t, spend the next month on youtube.

Mike sells funny shirts at: http://www.bluecollardistro.com/birbigshirts
Mike’s website: http://www.birbigs.com

I checked my e-mail this morning and only found 2 orders.  One lucky fool is now the proud owner of a Captain Planet video, and the other an old school transformers action figure still in its packaging.  Sell them on ebay and come blow your money on more mystery prizes.

-Mike

Nothing that interesting happened today. Why? Cause today we actually sent out some “real” prizes. Pretty lame if you ask me. But I guess when our special little man, let’s call him “Chris”, gets his iPod next week he’ll just have to come back here and try getting a prize that’s actually SUPER and actually a MYSTERY. It might be AWESOME as well. There’s nothing special or mysterious or awesome about an iPod, but I guess since our sponsor kicked down 10 of them for us, we’ll have to send them out eventually. I’ll just put it off for as long as possible because sending out an iPod does not make an interesting post.

So I just went to send somebody a super-cool prize I put together, and couldn’t find the packing tape.  I went to bug George (aka crack) about it, and he was like “you needed that?  I just sent it to someone in Oregon.”

What a dumbass.

I apologize to everyone who’s getting their prizes today in duct taped up packages.

I don’t know if you guys remember from when I sent out my old phone, but I have a blackberry now. It’s pretty cool…except for the fact that I am now available 24/7. It’s f-ing ridiculous. My boss sends something on a Saturday night, and if I don’t respond by Sunday he gives me a hard time. It’s pretty messed up.

Well anyway, there are some cool things about having a Blackberry. The coolest, most rad thing of them all, is BRICK BREAKER! The game is ridiculously addictive. The other day, I FINALLY got to the last level, beat it, and started to cheer thinking I won and realized…THERE IS NO WINNING! They bring you back to level 1 and you just play through again…except this time you’re playing in hyper speed! It’s soo messed up.

So my high score now is 25,990! But being good at Brick Breaker isn’t always a cool thing. It’s one of those games you want to play every time you have some down time….and when do you have the most downtime when you’re a Blackberry toting, commuting, workaholic computer nerd?? I bet you guessed right…WHEN YOU’RE POOPING. But now, my average Brick Breaker game is wayyyy longer than my average poop and everyone thinks I have “bathroom problems” now. It’s kinda embarrassing.

Well, all this Brick Breaker lately had me rummaging through old boxes to try and find my original Nintendo, and just as importantly, one of my old favorite games…ARKANOID! (basically the exact same game as BB) But after finally finding everything and hooking it up, remembering that I had to stick a cassette tape in my Nintendo because the spring or latch or something broke inside of it, I realized, my Nintendo…is busted. TOTAL BUMMER.

So…I am going to make someones day very very very very happy. Today I’m sending out Arkanoid, and in the next few days I’m gonna send out the rest of my old Nintendo games. Treat them nicely. Please. This is a tough time for me.

So I was sending out some stuff today (a hamster ball and a limited edition Stooges LP) when I started pondering something. Is there a way we could send someone their own virginity? Wouldn’t that be great to have back?! To be a virgin again! Can you remember what it was like? Oh….maybe that’s more mean than funny.

<3 Crack